the towel

There is a towel on the floor.
Its colours are faded but one can still see its once-ochre tiger stripes and the rows of grand felines embroidered on its ends.
For five years it has travelled with me around the world: Finland, Norway, Antilles, Mexico, France, Mauritius. I do not think it will travel much any longer. When colours fade it is good bye time.




Five years ago I fell in love. It was an accident. I never meant to as my experience had shown me that I was created a loner.
But there I was, blinded by the beauty and charms of a young woman whose appearance to my life had been preceded with magical signs which I had ignored. My deep-frozen heart melted and warmed up, she tipped a toe and dived in. If one can imagine the merry month of may all of a sudden brightening up the gloom of December, one can imagine how I felt.



I had never understood how elderly men lose their heads over young foolish women. After having lived it, I know. The mythical spring of youth does exist. Taking a sip has a price to it. Some of my friends cut contact. There were some who told me I was a fool and everybody saw it but me. My son sympathised with my and once upon a beer he confided how sorry he will be when my new flame takes off.
"Inevitably", he stressed with a no-nonsense stare in his water colour eyes.

What did I care. I lived. My heart was filled with joy and laughter. I had someone to dream about when I was away from home and someone to come home to. She was not stupid, either, though her youth made her appear so at times. Is clairvoyance intelligence? I do think so. Is telepathy intelligence? I think it might be even though we easily assign it to some external immeasurable energy radiating from our bodies. The one might ask what is stupidity but the answers one gets are not of much use.

I got this towel as a present one November night.
I loved it, it was beautiful and she had given it to me. Normally, people do not use towels as furniture covers but I did. I spread it on the sofa to take a nap. Watching TV in an easy chair I wrapped it around my shoulders. When I had to stay out of town on my work I always had the towel with me. It was a portable part of the home I had got, it radiated warmth and happiness.

Inevitable things have a way of happening sooner or later.
There had been too much strain on our relationship, too much separation and different coefficients on our life curves started to show themselves. I had not remembered what pain was. Seeing her love fade away and the distance between our souls spread I felt as if my heart had been pulled out by the mouth. I could not hide from the feeling; it was the last thing I felt going to sleep and it woke me up in the small hours of the morning. I stared a lot at nothing. Days went by in indifference until I fell sick. Even the sickness did not feel like anything compared to the pain. I realised I was going to be all right eventually, got discharged from the hospital and started to learn to walk again.

I decided to move away, to start still another new life, reset my values and try to regain balance mentally and physically.
I packed two suitcases and got a job on a little island in Indian Ocean. Palm trees, sandy beaches, sun and sea. Not much of a job but decently paid. No friends, social tabula rasa, my choice whom I' want to meet or what to do with my time. Some time alone is good every once in a while. Too many people around make you lose your aim. Most of the people are just a waste of time. They talk just to state their existence but their function remains vague. To me the function is essential.

My function now is to find my function.
My favourite way of looking for it is to have something to read under a palm tree and then sleep on it.
On the towel.

Next Tuesday I'll get myself another one.
It will be pink.